Thursday, November 15, 2012

I did it....I really did!

Photo: Lets do this thing! Woo hoo!

So this week has been a great week. Last Sunday night was my first official 5K.....holy freakin' cow! That thing was HARD! I didn't think we were ever going to finish and if I had had to go up any more hills I probably would have just sat down to cry. LOL! Seriously though, I did not "have fun" but I can say that I am very glad to be able to say I did it. I went into the 5K with three goals in mind.....just finish, don't finish last, and finish in under an hour. I am proud to say that I completed all 3 of my goals. My sweet friend, Krystal Parker helped to cheer me on and wouldn't let me quit even when I wanted to. Here are the stats from my trip. My actual race time was 51:39. I forgot to stop my timer when I finished. 

Distance 3.30 mi
Duration Duration pause 00:52:11 00:00:02
Average Pace 09:48 min/km
Average Speed 6.11 km/h
Calories 285 kcal
Elevation (gain/loss) 109 m / 109 m

Here are a few pics of the day!

My sweet friend Krystal and I

Photo: Before the race.  So anxious at this point.
Bib on, phone in armband, stomach anxious, ready to go!      

Krystal, Kaye and I

After the race.....sweaty and in pain but joyful at finishing!

This week has brought a peace beyond all understanding and a little boost of self-confidence. With the scale sitting at 197, I am confident that I am headed in the right directions. I got this!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Who the mess likes running?

So as you may have read from my last post, nearly 2 months ago A LOT has happened. The school year has gotten chaotic, which is my normal. Just part of the job.

 I have started "wogging". (Thanks Jessica for the new word) For those of you that don't know that term, I am a half walker-half jogger. It is not pretty. I always hoped to be one of those "pretty runners" but guess what, it ain't happenin'. People also keep telling me that the more I do it that I will eventually begin to LOVE it. Guess what you people must have lost your flippin' mind because there isn't anything fun about running, or wogging in my case. HOWEVER, I have put that to the side and I have committed to doing two 5K's within the next couple of weeks. Next Saturday (Nov. 3) will be my first one that is a fundraiser for a homeless shelter that is a ministry of my childhood church. Even if it's not pretty, I can do it. Then my dear friend Krystal has talked me into doing the Lanier Under the Lights 5K with her which is at Lake Lanier Islands and it's an evening 5K where we "wog" under the Christmas lights at the islands. No better way to begin to get into the Christmas spirit, right?

On the weight loss front, I have gotten down to my lowest weight to date, 197.6. SOOOO excited about that. Now I've been stuck there for a little over a week but it's better to be stuck under 200 than over it. I still have a week to make it to 190 before my doctors appointment. I doubt that goal will be made but I am super proud of myself for getting over 10 pounds off on my own with diet and exercise. So I'm good, God is good, life is good.


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Restart #9287474646464

**WARNING! This is a pity party. Forgive me before reading!

All I can say is praise the Lord for mercies that are new EVERY morning. This first 3 weeks of school has been SUPER stressful, more stressful than any other school year I can remember. Not really sure why but it has definitely taken a toll on me physically. The thing that people often forget (including patients) is that weight loss surgery fixes the physical issue of being obese, not the emotional issues and brain issues tied to being overweight. I confess that I have always been an emotional eater: happy, sad, mad, scared......I ate. The most eating happened though under stress. So with this super stressful few weeks, as I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office yesterday and saw a number of 208, I fought back tears. Tears of frustration over not having the will power to stick to my portions and good food choices. Tears of anger for letting myself fall back into this mess again. Tears of failure feeling like no matter what I do I will always be fat.

I'm tired of being fat, I really am. That's why almost 18 months ago I went through a life changing weight loss surgery. I am still down 77 pounds from my highest weight and down from a size 26 pants to a size 16. But come hell or high water, I will be out of the 200's. I have to go back to the doctor at the end of October for a follow up. I have set my goal to be back down to 190 before that date. I guess this post is sort of a way of publicizing my failures so that I can learn from them and move forward. It will also help hold me accountable to that date 2 months from now so that I can work towards that goal. Praying and believing for God's mercy, strength, and fresh mercies for the mornings after I screw up.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Back to life, back to reality....

If you are a music nerd like me you were singing the title to my blog (Hint.... Soul II Soul). LOL!

Well tomorrow is back to reality for me. I head back to work for preplanning and then our students come back on Friday. Right now, we have 25 boys on our roster and I am super excited about another great year. For whatever reason, this summer has seemed to be the shortest ever. And I will admit that I have had a sucky attitude about having to go back to work. But when I think about the difference that I can make in the lives of these 25 boys, I have a renewed energy. I am thinking this sign may be going in our classroom somewhere.

Teaching is one of the hardest jobs.....EVER and I DARE anyone to say it's not. So I approach this year enthusiastically, yet seriously. We must constantly remember that we hold a child's future in our hands every single day. One year can make or break a student's self-esteem and future goals. So to all of my teacher friends, I pray that you all have a wonderful school year and that you will facilitate, engage, listen, encourage, support, cultivate, and learn with your students everyday!

Summer Vacation 2012---in pictures

We had a WONDERFUL vacation together this summer. 

Our family vacation started with a day at Sea World in Orlando, Florida. We rode all the rides and saw alot of the shows. Here are a few pics to sum up the day.
Silly girl in a shark mouth

Riding with her daddy

Now riding with mommy

She is absolutely obsessed with dolphins

After about 11 hours at the park we drove back to our hotel and crashed for the night. The next day we got up and headed to the port to set sail on the Carnival Ecstasy. First on Destiny's agenda once we got on the ship was the waterslides of course. We enjoyed a nice dinner and show that evening. Then we had three days of ports in a row....Freeport Bahamas, Nassau Bahamas, and Half Moon Cay. We got rained out in Freeport and we enjoyed a very low key day in Nassua. In Half Moon Cay we had a GREAT time playing in the BEAUTIFUL ocean and beach. The final day of our cruise was a sea day where we hung out at the pool, took a nap, I got a massage, and just relaxed. It was a PERFECT day. Here are just a few of our pics from the trip.

So that's our vacation in pictures. We had a great time and are getting ready to head back to work. I absolutely love having my summer time off with my family. We are blessed and have enjoyed every minute together.  Here's to another great summer!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Sweet Summertime!

So I am enjoying every last bit of summer that I can. It's hard to believe that in a little over 3 weeks I'll be back at work already. It's crazy. I had 2 main goals for this summer.
  1. To relish in every moment and enjoy my family
  2. To kickstart my weight loss again
Well let's just say that I accomplished my first goal but not so much my second one. We have enjoyed swimming, library visits, fireworks, legoland, movies, and some quality time together. On this week's agenda are Stone Mountain, waterpark with friends, Sea World, and cruise. We actually sail out on Saturday for a Bahamas cruise so needless to say we have a very busy week ahead knocking several things off our summer bucket list. 

When I look back over the summer thus far, part of me is frustrated that I didn't get my weight loss moving again but I can say I did lose the 7 pounds that I had gained just in the last month of school from stress eating. Now my goal is to not gain 7 pounds back during the 1st month of school from stress eating. But with all that said, I am still at my lowest weight of 197. It's frustrating that I am only 12 pounds away from my 100 pounds lost mark but it's okay. It's only a number right? To be honest it's more of a mental thing. I really am happy where I am. I can now go into 95% of the stores I would be interested in, see something on the rack, find a large or XL and buy it and it fits. And I'm healthy. I can run and ride bikes and play with Destiny without feeling like I'm dying. I no longer feel anxiety about going to places like Stone Mountain because those trips used to mean stopping every few minutes to catch my breath. So I guess the weight loss will come....eventually. I have a goal of starting 5K's in the fall and have many more short term goals. The votes of confidence and encouraging words from my family and friends carries me through those days where I get frustrated with it all. I leave you with a couple before and after pics. 

(Left-October 2010--------Right-December 2011)

(Left-September 2009----------------Right-July 2012)

Monday, June 18, 2012

Destiny's Summer Bucket List 2012

So Destiny has heard Jason and I discuss our "bucket list" several times. So a few weeks ago we started talking about needing to make a list of what all we wanted to do this summer and she said

"I know. We will have a summer bucket list"

First of all, let me just tell you that I LOVE my child. She is so creative and has such big ideas and imaginations. So I thought why not so I bought some bright colored sticky notes for Destiny to make her list on. This is what her finalized list on our living room door looks like....

As you can see her list is not too out of the ordinary. I just love some of the spelling like "plane a playdate"
and "swimm with friends". So today we actually knocked one thing off the bucket list. We visited LegoLand Discovery Center in Atlanta. It was pretty cool and definitely something we all enjoyed. Destiny was so fun during the 4D cinema when the snow started falling. She was grabbing at it not realizing it was real at first and when she realized it was real her smile couldn't have gotten any bigger. Here are some pictures of bucket list #1 as indicated in the first pic. ENJOY!

Bucket List #1
Posing with the Lego guy

Des and her daddy

Swinging in the Fire Department Playground

My baby girl and I

She is DEFINITELY cuter than the puppy!!

My goal is to post a new blog for every item we do on the summer bucket list. So stay tuned!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Time.....can you slow down just a little?

So our first summer project is to remodel Destiny's room with new furniture, new curtains, and a mural on the wall. As we started today, one of the first things on the agenda was replacing her blinds. The one that was up had a couple slats broken. Destiny broke these slats when she was still in her crib. She would wake up, stand up, and pull on the blinds to look outside. After moving to her big girl bed, the window was always covered by either her headboard or then later her dresser so the broken slatted blinds kind of got forgotten about. After we moved her old furniture around to make room for her new bed that's coming tomorrow I saw those old broken, tattered blinds. I immediately kind of got teary eyed. It was like time froze for a moment and I could see my almost bald little toddler in that crib saying "look mama" as she pulled the blinds apart to see outside. I know, I know. She's still a little girl, only a few months away from being 9 years old. But it is so hard to believe that those broken blinds represented almost 7 years of sweet little memories.

Then after replacing the blind and having a sentimental moment Jason, Destiny and I were laying on her new mattress on the floor "trying it out". And immediately my mind went back to another distinct memory. The first year Jason and I were married we lived in married housing on the Emmanuel College campus. In January of our senior year we started working on our house to get it to livable conditions. The house basically had to be gutted. We did rewiring, re plumbing, had new windows put in, a new roof installed, central heating and air put in, and all new floors. Most of our things were still at our apartment. But we had started bringing a few things at a time. One was our second TV and DVD player to have background noise as we worked on the house.  I remember sometime that winter we had come up to wait on the carpet guys to put in the carpet. The house, which didn't have any heating at the time, was FREEZING. So while we were waiting we cuddled up, trying to stay warm and watched The Tigger Movie on DVD. I told Jason that I had just had a dejavu moment and reminded him of that day. I said "that seems like just like yesterday" and he kindly reminded me that it was actually over 11 years ago.

How in the heck does time go by so fast? We are quickly approaching our mid-thirties and we have an almost double digit aged child. Life is SOOOOOO good and we are so blessed. But these sentimental moments today helped me to clarify my goals for the summer. So my number one goal for the summer is to relish in EVERY moment with my family. Every single memory, even the little ones tonight like watching Jason and Destiny play with lincoln logs, legos, and GI Joes together laughing and being silly. Life really is too short to not enjoy every minute of them. I'm afraid if I don't make myself slow down enough to enjoy all these little moments, that the next time I blink I'll be re-modeling Destiny's room as a spare bedroom because she is no longer home. And that......I can't even think about that without crying. LOL! So for now, carpe diem. That's my motto for the next 10 weeks or so. I encourage you to do the same!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

1 year surgiversary

WOW! I can't believe it has been a year since I decided to change my life FOREVER. Thinking back to this time last year, I was scared, anxious, nervous, and very depressed. I had beaten myself up over the fact that I had to resort to weight loss surgery because I was too "weak" to lose the weight myself. Looking back, I realize how silly that was. Here I stand, a year later, with a lighter load, both physically and for the most part emotionally.

There are still many days that I forget that I am no longer almost 300 pounds and that I still tell myself that I'm the "fat" girl. I don't think the woman I see in the mirror is the woman that I really am. I still have a very jaded self image. I still see the "rolls" that are now just folds of excess skin and the non-toned body and am still not "happy" with the way I look. BUT, the outward image is not the reason I had this surgery. I had this surgery so that I could live until I'm 80 not 50, so that I could walk wtihout running out of breath, and so that I could feel better in general. So even though my body image is still not healthy, my body is. And that's why I started this journey to begin with.

I now sit, somewhat plateaued, at 197 pounds. I seem to bounce back and forth between there and 201. I was really hoping to be at my 100 pounds lost by this point but it's okay. It's a journey, not a destination. I just have to keep telling myself that. I have gone from a tight 26 pants to a comfortable regular 16, not plus size and am shopping in the regular women's section of the store, not the plus size. I am so excited about this upcoming summer and knowing that I will be in so much better health to enjoy all sorts of family adventures. I leave you with gratitude in my heart for the support and encouragement that I have gotten during the last year. (and a before and after shot)

Before at 285 pounds

After at 197

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I know you ain't talkin' to me!!!

Okay so I am having a hard time dealing with the compliments I've gotten since I had my weight loss surgery. I know it sounds crazy to say I don't know how to take compliments. But I guess I can say I really am just not used to getting them. When I did get compliments at 285 pounds, they were very few and far between.

Part of me feels frustrated that I get compliments now and I didn't then. It sometimes makes me mad that our world is so superficial. And don't get me wrong, my friends mean their compliments but when people who never really took the time of day for me before now are all "wow, you look great" I just want to say "I know you ain't talkin' to me", you never did when I was almost 90 pounds heavier. But then again, who doesn't like compliments no matter who gives them to you?!?!

The other part of me wants to relish in EVERY compliment but I feel like I can't. I have found my natural response to a compliment is "you're silly". WHY? Because I don't know how to see myself as thin (which I am not yet) I look in the mirror and I still see that 285 pound girl. And it's frustrating. I need my mind to catch up with my body. And it's especially frustrating now that the *#&$ scale is apparently broken again since it won't change.....EVER!! I want to be able to see the positive changes in my body when I look in the mirror, but I really don't know how. It truly is like a mental block. I see it a little bit in pictures but I want to see it in the mirror everyday as I am standing there in my birthday suit.

For now, I will continue to somehow embrace my new life,almost 90 pounds lighter. In the mean time, if you give me a compliment, and I don't respond very well I apologize ahead of time. Just know my brain and heart are trying to catch up with the scale (though it's currently slow-moving).

Monday, January 2, 2012

2011 year in review

Things I have lost:
  • 1,376 ounces.....that's 86 pounds y'all
  • 4 pants sizes
  • 3 shirt sizes
  • 1 shoe size
  • 2 ring sizes
  • exhaustion
  • fear of dying early because of my health
  • huffing and puffing when walking short distances

Things I have gained:
  • years on my life
  • my health
  • my confidence
  • my energy
  • LOTS of excess skin (LOL!)

What a difference a year makes!!!!

Christmas 2010

Christmas 2011