**WARNING! This is a pity party. Forgive me before reading!
All I can say is praise the Lord for mercies that are new EVERY morning. This first 3 weeks of school has been SUPER stressful, more stressful than any other school year I can remember. Not really sure why but it has definitely taken a toll on me physically. The thing that people often forget (including patients) is that weight loss surgery fixes the physical issue of being obese, not the emotional issues and brain issues tied to being overweight. I confess that I have always been an emotional eater: happy, sad, mad, scared......I ate. The most eating happened though under stress. So with this super stressful few weeks, as I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office yesterday and saw a number of 208, I fought back tears. Tears of frustration over not having the will power to stick to my portions and good food choices. Tears of anger for letting myself fall back into this mess again. Tears of failure feeling like no matter what I do I will always be fat.
I'm tired of being fat, I really am. That's why almost 18 months ago I went through a life changing weight loss surgery. I am still down 77 pounds from my highest weight and down from a size 26 pants to a size 16. But come hell or high water, I will be out of the 200's. I have to go back to the doctor at the end of October for a follow up. I have set my goal to be back down to 190 before that date. I guess this post is sort of a way of publicizing my failures so that I can learn from them and move forward. It will also help hold me accountable to that date 2 months from now so that I can work towards that goal. Praying and believing for God's mercy, strength, and fresh mercies for the mornings after I screw up.