Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I know you ain't talkin' to me!!!

Okay so I am having a hard time dealing with the compliments I've gotten since I had my weight loss surgery. I know it sounds crazy to say I don't know how to take compliments. But I guess I can say I really am just not used to getting them. When I did get compliments at 285 pounds, they were very few and far between.

Part of me feels frustrated that I get compliments now and I didn't then. It sometimes makes me mad that our world is so superficial. And don't get me wrong, my friends mean their compliments but when people who never really took the time of day for me before now are all "wow, you look great" I just want to say "I know you ain't talkin' to me", you never did when I was almost 90 pounds heavier. But then again, who doesn't like compliments no matter who gives them to you?!?!

The other part of me wants to relish in EVERY compliment but I feel like I can't. I have found my natural response to a compliment is "you're silly". WHY? Because I don't know how to see myself as thin (which I am not yet) I look in the mirror and I still see that 285 pound girl. And it's frustrating. I need my mind to catch up with my body. And it's especially frustrating now that the *#&$ scale is apparently broken again since it won't change.....EVER!! I want to be able to see the positive changes in my body when I look in the mirror, but I really don't know how. It truly is like a mental block. I see it a little bit in pictures but I want to see it in the mirror everyday as I am standing there in my birthday suit.

For now, I will continue to somehow embrace my new life,almost 90 pounds lighter. In the mean time, if you give me a compliment, and I don't respond very well I apologize ahead of time. Just know my brain and heart are trying to catch up with the scale (though it's currently slow-moving).

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