Just a few pics of things I miss from last summer..............Okay so I'm at a "strange" place right now. Last summer, we (Destiny and I) spent ALOT of time (about 3-4 days a week) doing things with my friends while Jason was taking three summer classes at Piedmont. At the end of the summer, I realized that the amount of time I spent with my friends FAR outweighed the time I spent with Jason. So this summer, with Jason only taking two classes, we vowed to spend more time together. Thus the problem begins.
I am a firm believer that every husband needs their "guy time" and that every wife needs their "girl time" but that those "independent" times needed to be balanced with family life. Last year the "independent" time won out (even though I had Destiny) and this year, I'm afraid I've gone too far in the other direction this summer. I have done things with my friends four times this summer. And it's already half way over. I've dedicated so much time to my family that I've neglected my friendships. I laid in bed last night and cried because I felt like I was neglecting my friendships and was afraid that I was losing some of those friendships because of it. Silly I know. But I guess what I realized, through the voice of reason from my dear husband, is that I have to find that balance.
While I was being the "emotional basketcase" that I was being, I said "I can't believe I'm crying over friendships, I'm not in middle school anymore". But I realized that I still need my friendships. I still need that sense of belonging to a group of people that I can be silly with. And I guess because I've gone so far from that, I have felt kind of lonely in that aspect of my life.
Gosh, I'm rambling. SORRY! If anyone has any advice on how to find and keep the balance between family and friendships, I welcome it!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
So last night, I received one of the most unexpected biggest blessings ever. This week our church has been holding a kids crusade titled "Taking Shape" and they have focused on "taking shape" into the people God has called them to be. My mom has been taking Destiny every night because Jason and I have both been covered up in grad school work. After they got home last night, Destiny told us that she had (in her words) "asked God in her heart and asked Him to forgive her of anything she had ever done wrong". Needless to say, tears were flowing by this point. We stopped what we were doing, turned off the TV, and prayed together as a family.
After Jason went to take Destiny to bed, I sat here and just cried. Do I have faith big enough to lead the life that I need to so that I can be the role model I need to be for her? Do I give the way I should give? Do I trust God with EVERYTHING that I have and everything that is to come? I don't know the answer to that and I'm afraid the answer is no. I have to admit that lately my priorities have not been in order.
This past Sunday, Scott Smith shared one of the best sermons I've heard in awhile called "Practical Atheist". You can check it out via podcast here. http://www.thetorch.net/ Was I convicted by it? YES! Have I been saying I believe in God and not walking in it? YES! Then he shared a video about Zac Smith, a 32 year old husband and father of 3 that was facing stage VI cancer and was not given a very good outlook. You can watch the video he shared of Zac's video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4Qb1qdXn4o
This video and sermon along with Destiny accepting Christ as her Savior last night made me do ALOT of self reflection. What would happen if I was diagnosed with cancer at 32, only a year and a half from now? What if that happened to my husband? I would want my response to be the same as Zac's. "Cancer is the best thing that has ever happened to me". Would I be able to have enough faith to say that no matter what comes my way that all gifts that God gives are "good"?
My prayer is this: "Lord, I praise you for blessing me with a beautiful daughter who has the sweetest spirit. Somehow, please keep me in check and help me to put my priorities in order. I need Your help and Your guidance. I want to be worthy of being a strong spiritual mother for a beautiful child You have blessed me with. I give You all the praise and glory. Amen"
When Jason and I had her, we chose her name, Destiny Lia, for it's spiritual meaning. Destiny of course means "Fate" while Lia means "God's Messenger" so her name means "Fate to be God's Messenger". I just want to give her the foundation she will need to fulfill that purpose.
Sorry if it seems like I'm rambling but I needed to get this out there so I can have some accountability from my peeps out there. Thanks for prayers and in the mean time, ask yourself, is your faith big enough to fulfill your purpose?