Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Guest Blogger and a touch of melancholy

So Sandy has been trying to get me to poste a blog and even though I've said several times that I would, I just seem to have always found some excuse or another to put off doing it.  So today, I decided to change that.

This Christmas has been a season of reflection.  Like so many others there have been thoughts of presents and get togethers plus curbing my road rage as I seem to get ticked while dealing with the poor driving habits of others.  Truth be told I seem to struggle shortly before and after Christmas.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that I've lost a few very close family members around and shortly after the holidays.  In January it will be five years since my stepfather Junior passed away.  In January of 1987 I lost my grandmother (my mom's mother).  It's hard to think about the holidays without them, particularly Junior.  I feel like there is so much that was left unsaid and undone and celebrating Christmas with him was always special and something I looked forward to. And at Christmas time, being as I am a parapro, I end up with two weeks to dwell on these types of things.  Not the most healthy thing to do but it seems like I do it anyway.  So while there is much joy at Christmas there is always that undertone of melancholy that seems to creep in and take away a little bit of the happiness.

 But somethng interesting happened this year.  It was like all the commercial things of Christmas just slipped away, lost not in memories of what I don't have, but in creating new ones with the family and friends I do have.  It was simple things like eating tacos with Paul, Steven, and Lydia Roach. Seeing the joy on my daughter's face and watching her fascination with the Christmas festivities. Being snowed in on Christmas and loving it.  Waking up to breakfast with my inlaws and thinking how cool it was to be there in those moments and sharing laughs over games of Catch Phrase.

I imagine that there will still be moments that make me pause and remember less pleasant times.  That's just the realities of life.  But that doesn't mean I have to be stuck in those unpleasant times/memories, hung up in an endless loop of sorrow. There is so much more out there.  So many blessings I have.  Family ties that are stronger than any unpleasantness that comes my way.  Few, but great friends. And a wife that loves me not based on what I get right or how much money I make (or don't. I did mention I'm a parapro, right?) or any other superficial characteristic that defines so many people or relationships.  She loves me for me, the real me that probably only a handful of people know or ever will know. 

And for all of those things I am grateful and am excited about the prospects of the coming year.

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