This weight is too heavy

So I've always been a "fat girl". I know, I know. Alot of you give me that "oh, Sandy you're being ridiculous" sigh at that comment but it's true. I think I reached the coveted size of 7 in clothes when I was in 6th or 7th grade. Even in high school when I was running daily for softball, I was a size 14. So I've tried every "fad" diet out there from Atkins to South Beach to the horrible cabbage diet. I have tried weight watchers at least 3 times as well as taking diet pills prescribed by my doctor. Have I lost weight with those? YES! But then it comes back plus more. All these things have brought me to a life changing decision.

I have come to a place where I can't carry this "weight" any longer, both physically and emotionally. The weight is more than it's ever been and the bottom line is I'm not healthy. I don't have any diagnosed health problems (blood pressure, diabetes, etc) but I know that when I can't walk up a hill or a flight of stairs without feeling winded means that I'm not healthy. And even though I love myself (I really do) the emotional side of the "weight" is sometimes hard to bear. It's embarrasing to get stared at because of your size, to only be able to shop in the plus size section, and to be anxious about sitting in certain seats because of the fear that your butt won't fit. LOL! I also know that I can't be the kind of mommy to my baby girl that I want to be right now. She LOVES riding her bike and I can't even walk up the hill to the top of the driveway without sounding like I need an oxygen tank. When my own mother who is in her mid-50's can keep up with my 6 year old better than I can, there is a problem. I want to be able to run and play with her without my weight keeping me from doing so.

So I said all this to say that I am pursuing weight loss surgery. My hematologist tried to talk me into this after my blood clot issues back in 2007 and my other doctors have also been pushing me to do this. They have advised me to pursue it sooner than later while my insurance will help pay for it. So I have begun the six months of hoop jumping in order for insurance to pay for everything. I am looking at surgery in February 2011. I am excited already and SUPER anxious but I know that it's all in God's time. I have to do this because......this weight is too heavy. I can't do it anymore!