Monday, June 18, 2012

Destiny's Summer Bucket List 2012

So Destiny has heard Jason and I discuss our "bucket list" several times. So a few weeks ago we started talking about needing to make a list of what all we wanted to do this summer and she said

"I know. We will have a summer bucket list"

First of all, let me just tell you that I LOVE my child. She is so creative and has such big ideas and imaginations. So I thought why not so I bought some bright colored sticky notes for Destiny to make her list on. This is what her finalized list on our living room door looks like....

As you can see her list is not too out of the ordinary. I just love some of the spelling like "plane a playdate"
and "swimm with friends". So today we actually knocked one thing off the bucket list. We visited LegoLand Discovery Center in Atlanta. It was pretty cool and definitely something we all enjoyed. Destiny was so fun during the 4D cinema when the snow started falling. She was grabbing at it not realizing it was real at first and when she realized it was real her smile couldn't have gotten any bigger. Here are some pictures of bucket list #1 as indicated in the first pic. ENJOY!

Bucket List #1
Posing with the Lego guy

Des and her daddy


Swinging in the Fire Department Playground






My baby girl and I

She is DEFINITELY cuter than the puppy!!

My goal is to post a new blog for every item we do on the summer bucket list. So stay tuned!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Time.....can you slow down just a little?

So our first summer project is to remodel Destiny's room with new furniture, new curtains, and a mural on the wall. As we started today, one of the first things on the agenda was replacing her blinds. The one that was up had a couple slats broken. Destiny broke these slats when she was still in her crib. She would wake up, stand up, and pull on the blinds to look outside. After moving to her big girl bed, the window was always covered by either her headboard or then later her dresser so the broken slatted blinds kind of got forgotten about. After we moved her old furniture around to make room for her new bed that's coming tomorrow I saw those old broken, tattered blinds. I immediately kind of got teary eyed. It was like time froze for a moment and I could see my almost bald little toddler in that crib saying "look mama" as she pulled the blinds apart to see outside. I know, I know. She's still a little girl, only a few months away from being 9 years old. But it is so hard to believe that those broken blinds represented almost 7 years of sweet little memories.

Then after replacing the blind and having a sentimental moment Jason, Destiny and I were laying on her new mattress on the floor "trying it out". And immediately my mind went back to another distinct memory. The first year Jason and I were married we lived in married housing on the Emmanuel College campus. In January of our senior year we started working on our house to get it to livable conditions. The house basically had to be gutted. We did rewiring, re plumbing, had new windows put in, a new roof installed, central heating and air put in, and all new floors. Most of our things were still at our apartment. But we had started bringing a few things at a time. One was our second TV and DVD player to have background noise as we worked on the house.  I remember sometime that winter we had come up to wait on the carpet guys to put in the carpet. The house, which didn't have any heating at the time, was FREEZING. So while we were waiting we cuddled up, trying to stay warm and watched The Tigger Movie on DVD. I told Jason that I had just had a dejavu moment and reminded him of that day. I said "that seems like just like yesterday" and he kindly reminded me that it was actually over 11 years ago.

How in the heck does time go by so fast? We are quickly approaching our mid-thirties and we have an almost double digit aged child. Life is SOOOOOO good and we are so blessed. But these sentimental moments today helped me to clarify my goals for the summer. So my number one goal for the summer is to relish in EVERY moment with my family. Every single memory, even the little ones tonight like watching Jason and Destiny play with lincoln logs, legos, and GI Joes together laughing and being silly. Life really is too short to not enjoy every minute of them. I'm afraid if I don't make myself slow down enough to enjoy all these little moments, that the next time I blink I'll be re-modeling Destiny's room as a spare bedroom because she is no longer home. And that......I can't even think about that without crying. LOL! So for now, carpe diem. That's my motto for the next 10 weeks or so. I encourage you to do the same!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

1 year surgiversary

WOW! I can't believe it has been a year since I decided to change my life FOREVER. Thinking back to this time last year, I was scared, anxious, nervous, and very depressed. I had beaten myself up over the fact that I had to resort to weight loss surgery because I was too "weak" to lose the weight myself. Looking back, I realize how silly that was. Here I stand, a year later, with a lighter load, both physically and for the most part emotionally.

There are still many days that I forget that I am no longer almost 300 pounds and that I still tell myself that I'm the "fat" girl. I don't think the woman I see in the mirror is the woman that I really am. I still have a very jaded self image. I still see the "rolls" that are now just folds of excess skin and the non-toned body and am still not "happy" with the way I look. BUT, the outward image is not the reason I had this surgery. I had this surgery so that I could live until I'm 80 not 50, so that I could walk wtihout running out of breath, and so that I could feel better in general. So even though my body image is still not healthy, my body is. And that's why I started this journey to begin with.

I now sit, somewhat plateaued, at 197 pounds. I seem to bounce back and forth between there and 201. I was really hoping to be at my 100 pounds lost by this point but it's okay. It's a journey, not a destination. I just have to keep telling myself that. I have gone from a tight 26 pants to a comfortable regular 16, not plus size and am shopping in the regular women's section of the store, not the plus size. I am so excited about this upcoming summer and knowing that I will be in so much better health to enjoy all sorts of family adventures. I leave you with gratitude in my heart for the support and encouragement that I have gotten during the last year. (and a before and after shot)


Before at 285 pounds

After at 197


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I know you ain't talkin' to me!!!

Okay so I am having a hard time dealing with the compliments I've gotten since I had my weight loss surgery. I know it sounds crazy to say I don't know how to take compliments. But I guess I can say I really am just not used to getting them. When I did get compliments at 285 pounds, they were very few and far between.

Part of me feels frustrated that I get compliments now and I didn't then. It sometimes makes me mad that our world is so superficial. And don't get me wrong, my friends mean their compliments but when people who never really took the time of day for me before now are all "wow, you look great" I just want to say "I know you ain't talkin' to me", you never did when I was almost 90 pounds heavier. But then again, who doesn't like compliments no matter who gives them to you?!?!

The other part of me wants to relish in EVERY compliment but I feel like I can't. I have found my natural response to a compliment is "you're silly". WHY? Because I don't know how to see myself as thin (which I am not yet) I look in the mirror and I still see that 285 pound girl. And it's frustrating. I need my mind to catch up with my body. And it's especially frustrating now that the *#&$ scale is apparently broken again since it won't change.....EVER!! I want to be able to see the positive changes in my body when I look in the mirror, but I really don't know how. It truly is like a mental block. I see it a little bit in pictures but I want to see it in the mirror everyday as I am standing there in my birthday suit.

For now, I will continue to somehow embrace my new life,almost 90 pounds lighter. In the mean time, if you give me a compliment, and I don't respond very well I apologize ahead of time. Just know my brain and heart are trying to catch up with the scale (though it's currently slow-moving).

Monday, January 2, 2012

2011 year in review

Things I have lost:
  • 1,376 ounces.....that's 86 pounds y'all
  • 4 pants sizes
  • 3 shirt sizes
  • 1 shoe size
  • 2 ring sizes
  • exhaustion
  • fear of dying early because of my health
  • huffing and puffing when walking short distances

Things I have gained:
  • years on my life
  • my health
  • my confidence
  • my energy
  • LOTS of excess skin (LOL!)


What a difference a year makes!!!!



Christmas 2010

Christmas 2011

2010

2011



Friday, December 23, 2011

ONE-DERLAND......HOORAY FOR ONE-DERLAND!!!!!!!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and in this case, I agree.


Not the best picture I know but it works. (excuse the horrible excuse for a pedicure...LOL) And the cool thing about this weight is it was mid-afternoon, not my normal weigh in time of first thing in the morning. I have been working really hard to not obsess over my weight because I have been stuck on a plateau for like 8 or 10 weeks bouncing back and forth between 201 and 205. As part of not allowing myself to obsess, I haven't been weighing every morning like normal, only like 2 or 3 times a week. So today, I thought "I haven't weighed since like Monday". So I stepped on the scale and I had this wonderful surprise. Talk about the coolest Christmas gift.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't physically feel any different today than I did Monday when the scale said 201.6 but the "emotional" part of me is....ELATED!!!! The last time I can remember having a "1" in front of my weight was when I was 14 and a freshman in high school around 1993 or 94. That was over half my lifetime ago. It took me half of my freakin' lifetime to kick this weights butt but i did it. I did it. I flippin' did it. NEVER again in my whole life will I have a 2 in front of my weight. Thank you all for your continued support as I defeat this battle for my health and well-being, as much emotionally as physically.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

STUPID, STUPID "ONE-DERLAND"

SOOO......it's been a while since I've blogged. I kept postponing thinking that my next blog would be titled "Welcome to One-derland". For all of my skinny peeps, you may not understand that "one-derland" is a HUGE goal for us chubby bunnies. It is the heavenly moment, angels singing hallelujah, when you step on the scale and see a 1 at the beginning of your weight instead of a 2 or higher. Now don't get me wrong, I am not disappointed with my weight loss. I have lost a total of 83.4 pounds, and you're daggum right I'm gonna give myself credit for that .4 pounds. For those of you mathematicians, like myself, that puts my current weight at 201.6. I first hit this 201.6 weight on October 18th. The last 15 days since that moment, I have fluctuated all the way back up to 205 to finally be back down to 201.6 this morning. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!

I want that "one-derland" goal SOOOOOOO bad that I can taste it. So then I must ask myself, why am I not trying harder. I have to admit, in this public forum, that I HATE exercise. I mean, I hate it like I hate the devil. I don't mind getting out and riding bikes with Destiny but the thought of going to the gym to walk on the treadmill or the elliptical makes me wanna throw up. UUUGGGHHH!!! I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I could overcome my hatred for exercise, that my weight loss would be a lot faster because I am doing a good job with food. Yes, I am snacking a little but I'm keeping it to string cheese or yogurt and the occasional candy (like today when I ate 4 or 5 pieces.......STUPID halloween candy).

So for now, I am going to continue to do what I know to do with food and do my best to PUSH myself to more exercise. As bad as I hate it, my health depends on it. And come hell or high water, I will make it to one-derland, hopefully within the next week or so.