STUPID, STUPID "ONE-DERLAND"

SOOO......it's been a while since I've blogged. I kept postponing thinking that my next blog would be titled "Welcome to One-derland". For all of my skinny peeps, you may not understand that "one-derland" is a HUGE goal for us chubby bunnies. It is the heavenly moment, angels singing hallelujah, when you step on the scale and see a 1 at the beginning of your weight instead of a 2 or higher. Now don't get me wrong, I am not disappointed with my weight loss. I have lost a total of 83.4 pounds, and you're daggum right I'm gonna give myself credit for that .4 pounds. For those of you mathematicians, like myself, that puts my current weight at 201.6. I first hit this 201.6 weight on October 18th. The last 15 days since that moment, I have fluctuated all the way back up to 205 to finally be back down to 201.6 this morning. GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!

I want that "one-derland" goal SOOOOOOO bad that I can taste it. So then I must ask myself, why am I not trying harder. I have to admit, in this public forum, that I HATE exercise. I mean, I hate it like I hate the devil. I don't mind getting out and riding bikes with Destiny but the thought of going to the gym to walk on the treadmill or the elliptical makes me wanna throw up. UUUGGGHHH!!! I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I could overcome my hatred for exercise, that my weight loss would be a lot faster because I am doing a good job with food. Yes, I am snacking a little but I'm keeping it to string cheese or yogurt and the occasional candy (like today when I ate 4 or 5 pieces.......STUPID halloween candy).

So for now, I am going to continue to do what I know to do with food and do my best to PUSH myself to more exercise. As bad as I hate it, my health depends on it. And come hell or high water, I will make it to one-derland, hopefully within the next week or so. 

65 pounds lost....life, bikes, and joy found

The title says it all. I have lost 65 pounds since surgery and a total of 75 pounds since this time last year. What I have found though is life. Life fulfilled and joy unspeakable. Now don't get me wrong. My life and joy is not found in weight loss but in who I am. Most importantly who I am in Christ. I have come to understand that I am worth so much more than just what I look like or what the scale says. I have recently told people very often that the best part of this process to me is not how much I've lost but how great I feel. God is good.....I am good. God made me that way. He created me for a purpose and I am holding on to that dream of making a difference in the lives of children by providing them the best education possible and by equipping the teachers I work with to do the same.

This journey has brought me to a place where I feel confident enough to do things I haven't done in years. One of which was going to buy a bike and riding with my beautiful little girl. Just hearing her giggle because mama was riding bikes with her was worth every painful step of this journey. Don't get me wrong, I still have a LONG way to go. BUT, I am very quickly approaching "ONEDERLAND" and I can't wait to bust the 200's wide open.

Signing off for now. Until next time, find your dream and chase it. Don't let ANYTHING get in your way. (Thanks Pastor Mike for reminding us of this). It may be painful and frustrating and we may encounter "dream killers" or "dream thieves" along the way. But stand up for yourself, take confidence in who you are, and let NOTHING affect the dream God has placed inside of you!

Highest Weight: 285 (July 2010)
Current Weight: 210 (August 2011)

Almost 60 pounds......HOLY CRAP!!!!

Friday will mark my 4 month surgiversary. These 4 months have gone by SOOOOO fast. I have currently lost 58.8 pounds since surgery and am in shock by the differences. I don't always notice the differences because I see myself in the mirror everyday. I receive lots of compliments and am still learning how to accept them. I rarely got compliments before. Compliments to an almost 300 pound woman are about as rare as water in the desert. LOL! However, my family just got back from a Caribbean cruise and was working on posting pictures on facebook. I thought "hey I've got pics on here from last summers cruise which were of me at my highest weight of 285 pounds". So I proceeded to look them up. I thought I would post a few before/after pics from last summer's cruise to this summer's cruise. Even I can see the difference in them when put side by side.

Okay so I guess I have to finally take the compliments because WOW. To think that I weighed 216 this morning down from 285 in these before pics is CRAZY. I have TOTALLY lost 69 pounds since these pics and 59 pounds since surgery. Would I do it again? HELL yes.....pardon my french. The confidence and energy I feel now can't be matched. I haven't been this close to "onederland" since I was a freshman in high school. CRAZY!!!!! Thanks to everyone for your continued support and for the compliments that I may not be able to accept with ease quite yet. Look out Heidi Klum, move your skinny butt over because I'm gonna catch you. LOL!

My butt is no longer a dam.....

Okay so let me begin by announcing that on Saturday I met my first weight loss goal of losing 50 pounds. Actually I have now exceeded that goal and have lost 53 pounds. It's crazy to me to think that it has only been 3 months and that I've come so far already. I am now sitting at 222 pounds. My next goal is "One-derland" of course and I'm hoping to be there by the middle to the end of August. I decided at the beginning of this journey that it is better to make short-term goals that I feel like I can actually achieve instead of shooting for the moon and getting disappointed along the way. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. I feel.........great, energetic, happy, excited, renewed, refreshed........The list could continue forever I think.

My family went to Stone Mountain Park last Saturday and I was able to walk all over the park with its hills and inclines like it was nothing. In the back of my mind I just kept thinking "I GOT THIS". This week has been full of activity with yard work and swimming. Today we're headed to the zoo. I love that I can get my walking and exercising in by doing something fun with  my husband and daughter.

We are leaving next Friday to go on a 7 day cruise to Grand Cayman Islands, Jamaica, and Cozumel. I am super excited about vacation but am also quite nervous about all the "cruise food", especially the 24-7 self serve ice cream that will tempt me constantly. But......I GOT THIS!!! I believe in this journey, I believe in myself, and I LOVE my sleeve.

Now to the title of the blog. Our bathtub is a standard bath tub, not a garden tub or such. Because my wide hips snuggly fit into the bathtub, when I would let the water out, any water behind me would stay there. Thus, my butt was a dam. HOWEVER, now my hips do not fit quite so snuggly. They fit quite comfortably. And the water doesn't stay behind me anymore. It drains out just as it should. All is right in the world again, now that my butt is no longer a dam. LOL!

AAAHHHH...........SUMMER!!!!!!!

I first want to apologize for not posting for over two months. CRAZY how quick the last two months have gone by. It has been filled with lots of really cool things, just a few of which are pictured here.

Easter 2011

Easter with the special ladies in my family

Me and my beautiful sister on her wedding day

My precious family......we clean up quite well!!!

 These last two months have been filled with.............

• Easter
• Our 11th wedding anniversary
• Jason's graduation with his master's degree
• Brooke's wedding
• The end of another school year
• Mini vacation to Pigeon Forge for Jason and I to celebrate our anniversary/his graduation

WOW......we've been quite busy. This week, summer school started. I volunteered to help direct summer school so that we would be able to go on vacation this year. The front end work to get ready to start was the hardest part. Now that we've gotten things rolling, it's not too bad. I work everyday Monday-Friday from 7:30-12:00ish and it's only for 4 weeks. These 4.5 hour days for 4 weeks are allowing us to go on a 7 day cruise in July to the Grand Cayman Isalnds, Montego Bay Jamaica, and Cozumel. Super excited about that trip.

And in the "weight" world, things are GREAT. I can now say that "I LOVE MY SLEEVE". Several people asked me shortly after surgery if I was glad that I had gone through with the surgery. My answer in the beginning was always "not yet". Well, yet is now here. I am SOOOOO glad I did this. My highest weight last summer was 285 and I weighed 275 when I began my pre-op diet. This morning I weighed 228 pounds. That's 47 pounds since surgery and 57 pounds since last summer. What a difference a year makes. I am able to play with Destiny without sounding like I need an oxygen tank. I'm able to shop in the "regular" section for shirts now, not just the plus size. I have lost almost 3 pants sizes and 2 shirt sizes. Overall, I just feel GOOD!!!!!!

Stay tuned for more updates, especially as I approach my first weight loss goal of -50 pounds (only 3 more pounds to go). This summer has lots of fun stuff in store including lots of pool time with my family and friends, laser show, braves game, zoo trip, our cruise, cookouts, and just chill out time. Until next time..........

The "weight" is over

I will be the very first to admit that this whole weight loss surgery thing has been harder than I expected, until now at least. I will attempt to journal you through what the last 9 days of my life have looked like.


Tuesday, March 22nd
Arrived at hospital around 8 AM a nervous wreck. They gave me some versed (sp?) to calm my anxiety. When I had gallbladder surgery, they gave me the same stuff and it knocked me out. This time, it didn't knock me out. I was laying WIDE AWAKE as they rolled me back to the operating room a little before 10 AM. I remember laying there staring at the ceiling and those HUGE lights. This nurse was talking to me telling me to be calm and just breathe as she place an oxygen mask over my mouth/nose. I remember trying to think about what was going to happen and then......NOTHING!!!! I was out cold. The next thing I remember was waking up in my room. I even slept through recovery. My family and several of my wonderful friends came to visit me but I was not a very good entertainer as I couldn't stay awake long enough to have a five minute conversation.


Wednesday, March 23rd
This day was also alot like a blur. I don't remember most of it except for having to drink this disgusting dye to make sure that my new tummy wasn't leaking and finally getting to have a popsicle. I finally got permission to go home from the doc around 6:30ish, just in time for shift change at the hospital which meant that it was around 8:00 before we actually got to leave. Went by pharmacy to get my meds and then to my mama's house to stay the first couple of nights as Jason had to go back to work on Thursday. All  I know about Wednesday is that the seemingly ENDLESS waves of nausea started around 7:30 that night and that SUCKED!!!


Thursday, March 24th
Slept most of the day so that I wouldn't throw up. Finally decided it was the medicine so I quit taking that and that night tried some liquid tylenol. Lo and behold, dry heaving ensued again about 5 minutes after the tylenol. So I did it. I vowed to take NO MORE MEDICINE.


Friday, March 25th
Felt a little better today, finally no more nausea. Still struggling to get in enough liquids. The sound of anything to eat or drink was not appealing at all. We finally came "home" to our house on Friday evening. I was ready to try my bed versus the recliner I'd been sleeping in.


Saturday, March 26th-Tuesday, March 29th
Everyday seemed to get a little bit better. Stronger and stronger everyday with a few weak spells in there. Getting REALLY sick of sweet liquid diet though. Sweet protein drinks, sweet pudding, sweet popsicles. UGH!!


Wednesday, March 30th
Post-op appointment. Doc says everything looks great. Now I am moved to stage 3 diet, soft proteins: eggs, beans, fish, etc. It has NEVER felt so good to eat an egg for breakfast and some lima beans for dinner.


Thursday,  March 31st
Felt pretty good today. Just feel a little worn down from yesterdays doctor visit and the couple of errands I had to run. So I'm just chilling. taking it easy, one day at a time.


Friday, April 1st
Today has been.......YUCKY. Not sure why but this is the worst I've felt since last Saturday. Not sure why but I just know I don't like it. I am thinking I was a little shy on getting in all my liquids yesterday so a little bit of dehydration hit me a little hard this morning as I thought I was going to pass out while in the shower. Finally stomached about half an egg and some water and started feeling a little better. Just felt like every ounce of energy I have has been zapped today. Just a day to prove to me I'm not 100% yet I guess. I get it. Gonna make sure to get my liquids in and my protein. I have done much better today though. I ate my first piece of chicken tonight even though I was SUPER scared of it making me sick. I had about 1 1/2 pieces of Jason's sesame chicken from chinese take out. I made sure to chew it really well and picked off any sesame seeds. I did it. It didn't make me sick and I DID IT! It felt like I was "succeeding" at this new way of eating. It gave me faith in myself. This road is certainly not easy but I'm excited about it and am appreciative for my friends and family that are cheering me on every step of the way.


My stats so far:
Highest weight: 285 (July 2011)
Weight at beginning of pre-op liquid diet: 275 (March 8, 2011)
Surgery Weight: 264.4 (March 22, 2011)
Current Weight 248.8 (April 1st, 2011)


So I have lost a total of 36.2 pounds since this journey began in July, with 26.2 of those being in the last month. So I can't complain. I started not to include my actual weight, just how much I've lost but I'm laying it all out there. I have hidden behind my weight too long. Now I want everyone to know so that they can continue to cheer me on and hold me accountable. Till next time..............

Sleepless nights......busy mind!!!!

So I haven't been sleeping well the last few nights. There is ALOT on my mind. These next few months are going to be super crazy!!!!

First of all, my weight loss surgery got moved up two weeks because of scheduling conflicts with the doctor. So my new surgery date is March 22nd which is only 2 weeks away. That's only 15 days or 360 hours away.....OMG!!!!!!!!! I begin my two week liquid diet on Tuesday. I have to admit that I am quite anxious about these two weeks. These 6 months of hoop jumping for insurance approval has forced me to admit that I have a food addiction. And as much as I thought I had defeated it, the thought of giving up some of my "comfort foods" after tomorrow makes me FULL of anxiety!!!! Now to those of you who have never had a food addiction, just skip ahead to the next paragraph because you suck I don't expect you to understand. I made a grocery trip yesterday to equip myself to be successful for these next two weeks. My fridge is now stocked with sugar free jello, sugar free pudding, skim milk, and water. The pantry is full of crystal light packets, grits, protein powder, and soups. Not a very exciting sounding menu especially for a two week long period. I am ready to do this. I know that with the support of my wonderful family and friends I am ready. I can't wait to be able to run with my child, exercise with my friends, not be worried about fitting in a booth at restaurant. I can do this. I will do this. My husband is worth it, my daughter is worth it, my other family members are worth it, my friends are worth it, but for the first time in my life I am taking the steps to say

I AM WORTH IT!!!!

I am also venturing out in another way this week. I am flying (for the first time ever) to New Orleans with a group of people from North Georgia College to the PDS conference. I am super excited about this new opportunity in my career to learn more about the partnerships between colleges and schools.

My mama got some not so great news this week. Because the chemo did not seem to be as effective as we originally thought, mama is going to have to undergo 33 radiation treatments. She will go everyday (Monday-Friday) for 6 1/2 weeks. She has several doctors appointments this week for check ups and to get the plan in place. I continue to have a grateful heart for the support from our family and friends and I also continue to covet your prayers. God has been with us through every step of this journey, and I know He will continue to be.

I'm signing off for now. The next time I blog, I'll probably be recovering from surgery and beginning my journey to my Heidi Klum body. LOL!!!