God's Chisel

WOW.....this spoke right to where I am right now. So I wanted to share it in case someone else is there with me. It is about 9 minutes long but DEFINITELY worth the time. I don't know how many times I have said "God, I have let you down so many times" and I never realized that his response to me is "You were never holding me up". Thank you Lord for your right now word. Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk

Just be still......

Psalm 46:10
"Be still and know that I am God"

So I have done alot of introspective reflection this summer and man, did I have some stuff out of whack. I was raised in church and know God has me right in the palm of His hand. That he created me for a purpose. But somehow, I have walked away from my relationship with Him. Blame it on a new job, school, being a wife of a grad student, a mother, or just life in general. But those are all just excuses. Lately, I have felt really convicted of not keeping my priorities in order. So, back to square one I go. I have spent alot of time these past few days before the Lord asking and being grateful that his mercies are new every day, even when I've walked away. And what I have felt God's voice saying as I have sought after Him is just "BE STILL". Do you know how hard that is for me? I am the queen of multi-tasking, just like any other mother I'm sure. My mind is constantly going until I lay my head on the pillow and crash. But He just needs me to stop. STOP and REST in His presence. As I was adding some songs to my ipod tonight I stumbled across a song by Kari Jobe that has to be God's direct voice to me in song. I am including a link to the youtube of the song just in case maybe you need to "BE STILL"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndaAjkJU2DY

Lord,

I don't know how or why I walked away from You. I do not deserve Your open arms of mercy and grace but I am so grateful for them. Time and again, You yearn for us. You call us to You for you desire a relationship with us. I don't know that we can ever fathom that kind of love. God I pray that your voice to me will resonate in my life so that I may in turn help others "BE STILL" and know that You are God and that You are here.

~Amen~

This is crazy.....I'm not in middle school anymore!

Just a few pics of things I miss from last summer..............Okay so I'm at a "strange" place right now. Last summer, we (Destiny and I) spent ALOT of time (about 3-4 days a week) doing things with my friends while Jason was taking three summer classes at Piedmont. At the end of the summer, I realized that the amount of time I spent with my friends FAR outweighed the time I spent with Jason. So this summer, with Jason only taking two classes, we vowed to spend more time together. Thus the problem begins.

I am a firm believer that every husband needs their "guy time" and that every wife needs their "girl time" but that those "independent" times needed to be balanced with family life. Last year the "independent" time won out (even though I had Destiny) and this year, I'm afraid I've gone too far in the other direction this summer. I have done things with my friends four times this summer. And it's already half way over. I've dedicated so much time to my family that I've neglected my friendships. I laid in bed last night and cried because I felt like I was neglecting my friendships and was afraid that I was losing some of those friendships because of it. Silly I know. But I guess what I realized, through the voice of reason from my dear husband, is that I have to find that balance.

While I was being the "emotional basketcase" that I was being, I said "I can't believe I'm crying over friendships, I'm not in middle school anymore". But I realized that I still need my friendships. I still need that sense of belonging to a group of people that I can be silly with. And I guess because I've gone so far from that, I have felt kind of lonely in that aspect of my life.

Gosh, I'm rambling. SORRY! If anyone has any advice on how to find and keep the balance between family and friendships, I welcome it!

Is your faith big enough?

So last night, I received one of the most unexpected biggest blessings ever. This week our church has been holding a kids crusade titled "Taking Shape" and they have focused on "taking shape" into the people God has called them to be. My mom has been taking Destiny every night because Jason and I have both been covered up in grad school work. After they got home last night, Destiny told us that she had (in her words) "asked God in her heart and asked Him to forgive her of anything she had ever done wrong". Needless to say, tears were flowing by this point. We stopped what we were doing, turned off the TV, and prayed together as a family.

After Jason went to take Destiny to bed, I sat here and just cried. Do I have faith big enough to lead the life that I need to so that I can be the role model I need to be for her? Do I give the way I should give? Do I trust God with EVERYTHING that I have and everything that is to come? I don't know the answer to that and I'm afraid the answer is no. I have to admit that lately my priorities have not been in order.

This past Sunday, Scott Smith shared one of the best sermons I've heard in awhile called "Practical Atheist". You can check it out via podcast here. http://www.thetorch.net/ Was I convicted by it? YES! Have I been saying I believe in God and not walking in it? YES! Then he shared a video about Zac Smith, a 32 year old husband and father of 3 that was facing stage VI cancer and was not given a very good outlook. You can watch the video he shared of Zac's video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4Qb1qdXn4o

This video and sermon along with Destiny accepting Christ as her Savior last night made me do ALOT of self reflection. What would happen if I was diagnosed with cancer at 32, only a year and a half from now? What if that happened to my husband? I would want my response to be the same as Zac's. "Cancer is the best thing that has ever happened to me". Would I be able to have enough faith to say that no matter what comes my way that all gifts that God gives are "good"?

My prayer is this: "Lord, I praise you for blessing me with a beautiful daughter who has the sweetest spirit. Somehow, please keep me in check and help me to put my priorities in order. I need Your help and Your guidance. I want to be worthy of being a strong spiritual mother for a beautiful child You have blessed me with. I give You all the praise and glory. Amen"

When Jason and I had her, we chose her name, Destiny Lia, for it's spiritual meaning. Destiny of course means "Fate" while Lia means "God's Messenger" so her name means "Fate to be God's Messenger". I just want to give her the foundation she will need to fulfill that purpose.

Sorry if it seems like I'm rambling but I needed to get this out there so I can have some accountability from my peeps out there. Thanks for prayers and in the mean time, ask yourself, is your faith big enough to fulfill your purpose?

As the world turns......

so do I. This little poem was on the program for Chicopee Woods 5th grade honor day on Friday.

"As the world turns,

so do you.

When you change for the good

you change the world too!"

I had never heard that before so I came home and googled it and found that it was from a book called "Wings of Change". The story is about Anew the caterpillar who is happy the way he is (as a caterpillar) and is afraid of growing up into a butterfly. His good friend the snail tells him the above phrase.

Friday brought the closing of another school year. That ending has brought me into a contemplative state this weekend. This school year was a whirlwind to say the least. I started off the year as an interim 5th grade teacher teaching reading and writing. About three weeks into the school year, I went back to my normal job as EIP teacher teaching math all day. The year was going great. In January, I went for a job interview for a county math position that I did not get. As a result of my interview though, I was offered my dream job as math coach. I started that in mid-January at a different school. So needless to say, three different jobs in one school year while working on my specialist degree makes for a CRAZY year.

What have I learned from the chaos though? I've learned that God's got it. Even in the craziness of the chaos, God is in control. Through a couple different emotional breakdowns this school year, I have to admit that it was one of the best ever. I absolutely love my job. When I went back to Chicopee Woods for Destiny's honors day and the 5th grade honors program, it was kind of like closure to another chapter in my life. Next school year will begin with me as a full time math coach which will hopefully stay the same all year. LOL! It will also means Destiny will be changing school systems to Habersham which makes me a little nervous. But what have I learned this year? The same thing that Anew the caterpillar learned. That.....

"As the world turns,

so do I.

When I change for the good,

I can touch the sky"

As long as I roll with the punches and change for the good, life is good. And I can face any obstacle in my path. For now, I'm going to enjoy the summer spending time with my family and friends and finishing my specialist degree. Then it will be back to school to start another wonderful year in education.

Happily Ever After.....

***DISCLAIMER....mushy blog to come***

So today is mine and Jason's 10th wedding anniversary. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. After a beautiful wedding and reception full of our friends and family, we headed to Gatlinburg for a wonderful honeymoon where we rented a cabin called "The Sugar Shack". Yeah, yeah go ahead and laugh. We got to the cabin and had a nice picnic snack that my aunt had packed for us when we left the reception. We enjoyed the rest of our week in Gatlinburg on a wonderful honeymoon where we spent time playing putt putt, going to Dollywood riding roller coasters and had enjoyed every second together.

Fast forward one year and we were graduating from college, remodeling our home, and beginning our lives as "adults". We made it through that first year as adults beautifully and still happier than ever. The next 2 years went by with the routine of working through the week, sleeping in on Saturdays and then we'd spend Saturday afternoon/evening watching movies, eating dinner, shopping, whatever we wanted to do really. Basically being a selfish couple who did what we wanted to do when we wanted to do it. Then after almost 3 years of marriage, we were expecting our first child and were excited and scared to death all at the same time.

Fast forward 9 months and we were holding our hearts in our hands when Destiny Lia was born. The next year was one of the hardest we ever faced as a couple. Destiny was a very sick infant who didn't sleep well which kept us all on edge for that whole year. We did it though. Looking back, I know now that we are better for it. We faced challenges that we overcame. Our love and persistence brought us through. The last 5 1/2 years since then have FLOWN by. We are both currently pursuing grad degrees, are working, and being the best parents we can be.

So what have I learned in these 10 years? That there is no other person on the face of the planet that I would rather wake up to everyday. Jason Gene Martin, I love you with every breath in me and I can only pray that I can be half the wife to you that you have been as a husband to me. Thank you for crying with me through the hard times, laughing with me through the good times, screaming with me through the aggravating times, and being silly with me in the wee hours of the morning when sleep was no where in sight. And thank you for being my rock, my lover, my soul mate, my best friend, and my prince charming. You are ALL that I will ever need and I can't wait to spend the next 70+ years of our life together, happily ever after! XOXOXO!

Life or something like it.....

My life has....morphed. Yeah, that's a good term for it. Things have changed for me in my career as well as in my spiritual life, my intellectual life, and any other area of my life that can change.

Jason and I had been leading a youth discipleship small group on Sunday nights since January 2009. We started off very strong with a WONDERFUL group of teenagers. Then we lost three of our students due to graduation and them going off to college. Summer attendance was down a little due to vacations, family stuff, etc. Then we kicked back off in August, again just as strong. Then around November, attendance started to become sporadic. We spent a lot of time in prayer and really felt like that God had called us to lay that down for awhile. So we talked with some friends and kind of started our own small group. We are going through the Seven series from our church setting goals for every area of our lives which is alot harder than I thought it would be.

I am also in the middle of getting my specialist degree which is kicking my tail. I chose this program because it was one of the cheaper programs and because it took the least amount of time. HOWEVER, I did not think about how hard this was going to be. Fall semester wasn't bad at all.....7 hours, 3 classes. Now, this semester is from the very pit of hell. 13 hours.......yep, that's FIVE freakin' classes on top of working full time and being a wife and mother. Thankfully, one of them is finished since we turned in our lit review last weekend but that was only a one hour class. SO, I still have 4 classes left this semester. I have pretty much reached the end of my rope so now I've tied a knot in the end of it and am hanging on for dear life. I have set a goal for myself to have my work for my practicum class done before Spring Break, which is next Friday. Why by next Friday you may ask.

Jason and I are going on our first cruise over Spring Break to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe that it has been 10 years. But can I just be mushy for a minute and say that I am blessed beyond measure by the most wonderful man on the face of the earth. He is EVERYTHING I could have ever dreamed of in a husband and a father to our beautiful daughter.

All in all, despite all the changes and all the stress, I am blessed. Blessed far beyond anything I could ever ask for. I gripe and whine with the best of them but with a little bit of introspection, I realize the thousands of blessings that I have EVERY DAY! So on that note I leave you with the simplicity of faith of my precious baby girl. This is her "story" that she wrote at school this week.
"I want to fly to see the God"

She helps me stay focused......on the things that matter!